“Help, I’m an empath!“
“I’m an empath and I’m really struggling, what do I do?” is a message I get in my DMs pretty frequently. I’ve been compiling my answers together in my phone’s notes app to put together a comprehensive post to cover as many FAQ’s as possible. Let’s get started:
What actually is an empath?
Empaths are often described as “emotional sponges.” A lot of people confuse having/experiencing empathy with being an empath. Think of it more like a spectrum. Some people have no empathy. Most people have mild to moderate empathy, sometimes only about particular subjects, things or people that they feel close to. Some may be more sensitive to experiencing empathy than the average person.
On the extreme end of empathy you have "empaths" who actually FEEL other peoples’ feelings as if they are their own. They will experience others’ happiness, excitement, anger, sadness, grief, frustration, whatever the person around them feels. This often layers with their own emotions too! Many times it’s hard to tell what feelings are your own. Empaths often don’t like being in larger groups or crowds. Even passing someone or having minimal interaction can cause emotion transfer to the empath, who will carry it around with them and stack it on top of others and their own emotions.
How do I know if I’m an empath?
Do you have a lot of empathy, to the point where you actually feel how someone else is feeling? Even when you have no reason to feel that way yourself?
Do you feel emotionally overwhelmed in larger groups or crowds? Or experience bigger mood swings such as from happy to sad to angry in quick succession but only when around others and not when you're alone?
Are you the “therapy friend” that your friends, family or even strangers feel comfortable venting to?
Is it hard for you to NOT care about people's life events, struggles, grief or victories? Even when people say things like “that’s not your problem”?
Are you especially sensitive in other senses? Such as needing things to be quieter or having really sensitive or almost allergic reactions to strong scents?
Do you feel tired or drained after being around people and need alone time to recharge between social experiences?
Do you hate conflict?
If you answered Yes to any of the above, you may be an empath or higher on the empath spectrum.
Empaths and Mirroring
On top of feelings and emotions, empaths can also involuntarily mirror the personality traits and characteristics of the person they are interacting with. Oftentimes the empath will feel like a completely different person depending on who they are around. Sometimes people will instinctively not like the empath when they see their own personality reflected back to them! It’s important for empaths to take a lot of personal time getting to know themselves. That way they don’t get lost in the personalities of others or take it personally if someone doesn’t like looking into their emotional mirror.
Empaths and narcissists
Narcissists are in many ways the opposite of empaths, and this is often an unfortunate case of opposites attracting. Empaths often instinctively want to heal and are drawn to the narcissist’s void of empathy like a magnet in order to heal. The narcissist isolates and validates the empath with false love until they feel the empath is no longer beneficial to them. Then they will toss the empath aside like a used tissue. The more the empath is aware of this tendency, the better chances they have of catching it early and protecting themselves from it!
Ok so how do I deal with being an empath? How do I protect myself?
Every empath will have things that work better for them or things that they’ve adapted with trial and error. I personally always turn to:
- Cleansing. Bad energy can hide in our energy fields AND in our physical spaces. I find both energy cleansing and also physically cleansing can help if I’m just feeling like stagnant bad energy is weighing me down.
- Grounding meditations. Grounding and also earthing practices can be reeeally helpful. I also found quick things like SOS Anxiety meditation from the Calm app helpful if I need to bring myself down really quickly. Like if I’m about to have a panic attack or if I only have a few minutes to spare. There’s probably some good ones on YouTube for all of these!
- Energy shielding. Using a little of your energy to form basically an invisible bubble around you to protect yourself and your energy as an empath. To put it simply: you will take deep, calming breaths and visualize a shield or bubble forming around you. Sometimes we instinctively try to energy-shield by crossing our arms when we feel uncomfortable.
- Warding amulets. I have an in-depth blog post and video on my process for this, but it’s basically tethering an energy shield to an item like a crystal or necklace or keychain… whatever you want to use to protect you!
- Conduct an emotion check-in with yourself. Take a few breaths and ask “are these my emotions or someone else’s?” Narrowing that down with journaling or lists can help you release them. Write down what it is you feel and how that may or may not be connected to you.
- Gratitude journaling. With the bad does come some good. To balance yourself, instead of just focusing on protection and being emotionally overwhelmed, trying to come up with 5-10 things that are good about being an empath. Things like: It helps me connect with others, my friends find me supportive, I have a strong intuition, I’m not a sociopath… you get the idea!
Help, I'm an Empath!